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I realized that I am a better mom and person when I don’t interact with Jonny. Things were good and then he started calling me a murdered because his 15 year old Husky was going to be euthanized tomorrow morning. The dog I love and have taken care of for the last 2 years. After talking to him I lashed out Zoey for no good reason 😭 and I’m sick of doing that! I have no patience left for anything because he sucks the positivity and energy out of me and leaves me on empty feeling miserable. I need to accept that he is who he is. He isn’t going  to change. He’s never going to the the leader I want, he will never be the take responsibility kinda guy, he will never be the thoughtful guy anymore. Whether he doesn’t want to change or just can’t doesn’t matter anymore though. I need to just accept that he’s not going to change and there’s probably someone who wants to play the mom role but I only want to be a mom to Zoey! She deserves the world and I am not giving her my best self by constantly being taken away for petty drama and the same cycle over and over again! I need to remember this day when he left me alone to give the meds to help bullet get sleepy to be euthanized. I want to remember that Jonny didn’t come see Bullet and made it my fault as the reason why. He was offered to come over multiple different times though 🤷🏼‍♀️ he called me a murderer and left me alone to love on his dog.  Bullet is tired of living in pain, in a corner, with his owner walking right past him most of the time never even acknowledging that he exists because he’s not a puppy that comes up to you at the door anymore, and he can’t jump onto the bed or anywhere for that matter, he doesn’t come snuggle anymore because it hurts him to move around. Bullet was loved and taken care of by me. He is ready to go to a better place though and I know that but it really cuts deep to know that the person I married, the person I never thought would say a bad thing to me ever, the person I thought loved me more than anything, the person I thought was my best friend and safe place, I can’t believe that person has used every thing I’ve ever told him against me in a negative way, has called me a murderer several  times over the last month because I love Bullet enough to want to help put him out of his misery!  That person is not the person I fell in love with! I am so shocked that the person I married turned into this kind of evil guy! I am going to stop letting anyone disrupt my peace and take away from me and Zoey. Zoey should not have to get a worn out mom when she is the absolute best kid! She deserves more and I intend to start remembering more, not to harbor bitterness or resentment, but to not keep repeating the same cycle and ruining me and Zoeys life because I want to love a man that isn’t going to change back to the man I fell in love with.

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